I have hid my scars under the clothes I wear for years now. Punishing myself for all the mistakes I’ve done, words I have waited for but didn’t come. I kept saying hello to the monsters underneath my bed every night who utters the otherwise’s of His truth. I have been giving and giving without considering if there’s something that will be left to sustain even the littlest sparks within. I didn’t love myself enough. I didn’t love myself at all. Everything was seemingly worsen by my thoughts and sin. I got tired of pretending, of waking up every morning with that black slug inside, too heavy for my little hands to hold.
So today, I am bringing my scars to the light, and I am letting that light carry me.
I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder/Clinical Depression, but I am not my depression. I am not my antidepressants. I am not my sleeping pills, and I am not the monster inside my head. And so are you, you who’s reading this. You are loved, valued and treasured. You are pursued by a Love that doesn’t end just because you feel hopeless, helpless.
It took me a lot of courage. I am not the type to post like this. Maybe a minute or two, I’ll delete this, but I was taught that to have hope is to give one. And being able to share this is a proof of how God loves, a testimony of His grace. I’m still here, not by my strength but by His, made perfect for my weakness. So, I am deeply asking for prayers, not just for me, but for those who are fighting inner battles. Check your friends, talk to your loved ones, be honest to yourself and to God, try to communicate. Help is available. May we all be willing to be carried by His grace. No more shame shall entrap you. You have been rescued by His love.
This is how I will fight, with God, knowing that He already won the battles for me and that peace is a promise He keeps. Under His authority, all the days of my life, for Him I will live.
“One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.” (Psalm 27:4)