The very first letter I wrote to myself

I’m sorry.

Life has been so tough lately that everything seems nothing but nonsensical. There was a weird rhythm in the singsong of your heart. It was battered, bruised and broken. All that could be heard was the deafening noise of nothingness and fullness at the same time. I’m so sorry you had endured all these heartaches, all these howls and cries. I’m sorry you had kept searching your worth and value at the wrong havens. I’m sorry that you had to end your life each night and kept having delusions of a better tomorrow. I’m sorry you had to pull down your walls and give each one of them the entry ticket only to have your eyes witnessed the downfall of the gem inside you. I’m sorry, for I had never protected you from everything that hindered you from growing into the woman that your Creator conceptualized you to be. I’m sorry for the wounds –the scars written in your flesh, deep within, in the cavern of your soul. I’m sorry for not always allowing your Master to heal those. I’m sorry for being so stubborn. I’m sorry that you have to endure every single day of embracing this wretched soul. I’m sorry that I didn’t teach you the concept of happiness. I’m sorry that you heard nothing but my rants and whimpers, my insults and abuses. I’m sorry for letting my own words abolish your self-esteem and self-confidence. I’m sorry for binding you with the notions such as “You are worthless.”; “You are untalented.”; “You are ugly.”; “You can never make it.”; “You are unlovable.”; You are worth scarring for.”; “You deserve hate.”; “You can’t.”. Forgive me for telling you all the otherwise’s of God’s truth. I’m sorry for blocking His words –words that should have given you life. I’m sorry, I have damaged you so much that you are no longer amazed in your waking-hours. I’m sorry for giving you… death.

I’m proud of you.

It was so rare for me to say this but, yes I am. I am proud not merely by your strength but by your vulnerability. It’s hard to show your weakness, but you let it flow to the shore where people can play it, where people can use it as something worth using. I’m so proud that you have learned to surrender people to God; that you have learned the idea of letting go –slowly losing grasp and letting the Lord lead the way. I’m so proud of you, and there were days that I wasn’t, or maybe tomorrow or the next day, I’m no longer cheering for your progress.

But I want you to remember that the story–our story–isn’t predominantly our story. I’m no perfect. I’m no angel. I can take this all back even after just a minute of utterance, but again, my words are not the arguments that matters –it was His, it is His and will forever be His. I can’t still formulate I love you but He can, always.


All the forces in the universe can’t love you the way God does.

That’s more than enough. 


2017 Denouement

A year ago, I stepped into a life I never imagined to have, or a world with a question mark of what was to become.

I can still remember the lens with fireworks bokeh and the seemingly endless sparks with glistening dust in the nightly skies. I can still remember enjoying each scenario while looking at the people around me noticing nothing but the curve attached to their lips and magical sprinkles caught in their eyes. Little did I know, I was unknowingly walking to a year of lessons, realizations, what if’s, what could have been’s, temporary notions, unnecessary attachments, understanding that college isn’t just college, bumpy roads, sequence of emotional ride, failures, falling, standing up again, letting the wind, anxiety, happiness, commitment, hate, love, unsaid feelings, adult-ing, thank you’s, welcome’s, goodbye’s, promises, surrendering people to God, reminding myself to love like Jesus, a year of poetry, of song writing, of writer’s and reader’s block, up to finding the will to pick up the pen and paper again, to strum the guitar once more, to see the brighter side of life, wandering, wondering, chapters of untold stories, building walls and letting the cracks be there, embracing the people who stayed and saying thank you for those who are no longer part of the story, series of I hate you self and yeah, I’m proud of you too Marose but most predominantly, a year of “Yes, LORD.”

One thing I learned, it was not all about the “Sukuan mo na” of this world. It was all about the “Isuko mo na” of God.

So to the one who’s reading this, God will set fire deep down the cavern of your soul–your spirit. He already conquered the battles for your heart and set it ablaze with His love. In the midst of being lost, the soul will always follow the path to its home–its safe haven. Let God be your safe haven. He is cheering for your progress. You survived a year and you can do it again because He is with you. We did it. We survived a year of haywire rollercoaster ride with some free travel to mars and back with side trip to pluto while eating some bitter, sweet and sour gummies toppled with cheese—cause everything’s good with cheese—and onions. How was that right?

Joyful new year, brave warrior. We’re proud of you.


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“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord, Your God will be with you wherever you go.” –Joshua 1:9

Hey 2018, God is with me, I am ready.

Last night, she slept with a heavy heart, a tear-stained face and her soul so scarred that she couldn’t even force herself to move. She was so tired, gloomy and down. She kept falling, wandering… wondering. Her mind was clouded with so much darkness that there was no way out but to erase the pain by means of another shot of pain. People see her head as if what’s within is an exquisitely crafted universe of stars and beautiful constellations, but no. You’re wrong. You’ve mistakenly identified her as a flower jubilantly blooming under sunlight, but no. You’re wrong. Cause she feels long too withered to even shine. She was endlessly seeking for hope but all she saw was a road, leading nowhere but oblivion. She was silently asking for help but none came. “I’ve had enough. Take my life.” Irreparable, she felt so irreparable. She tried screaming so loud but her strength–if there was any–wasn’t enough to even execute a whisper. “The journey is too long for you, take a rest My child.” Calmness–her heart suddenly stopped beating so hard. “Have patience, I’m not finish with you, yet.” Comfort–her mind suddenly stopped processing the worst possible thoughts.

“I love you.” Fixed–she felt fixed.



I’d let Myself shatter into million possible pieces; burst out and partake My ashes to be lunar dust—be fragments of the moon to light your way back. My ruination; your completion.


Once , we try to be heartless,
But even with our utmost power;
We failed.
We always end up loving.
And maybe that’s the sole
purpose we serve—
To love,
To always love;
even the hardest,
the difficult,
the denial.

“Love like Me.” said He



He’s the air in my lungs;
And the word in my tongue;
He’s every chapter of my favorite book;
He flattens my edges that were crooked;
I was the lost piece;
Longing for direction;
He led me back to my completion;
He’s my destination.



He is;

my first dauntless step,

away from the comfort

of the four-cornered cage;


He is, as well

my favorite

looking back bend

–over and over,




He is;

a beautiful adventure,

that makes me

want to try;


He is, also

the smell of my bed

where I find rest,

eraser of cries

and they said;


tend to

follow the


to its


“Lead me







Intersecting Point

i saw you looking
tracing your fingers to the sky,
with the whole scenario,
there was
something missing.
your eyes
they have no shimmer.

i want to
refurbish the radiance
but you were seemingly drifting,
into an infinite galaxy,
into a black hole of thoughts.

i whispered,
i prayed,
that you’d look past
the constellations
you were trying to make
‘cause the One behind those stars
is making the ‘you’
that will outshine
the battle within you.

“meet Him at the intersecting point of you and the stars.”



I dreamt of you last night. You were looking somewhere. Your eyes were glistening. Your eyes couldn’t contain much of the galaxy that desiring to surge out. You were greatly devoured by something splendid, something delightful. Your soul was glistening with hues of rainbows and sparkling dust. Then I tried to take a stride, to be nearby. But, I failed, as my body felt the crystal wall. Out of my ware, I beaten it with all my strength, trust me that I tried, struggling my way towards you, while you were there, standing and spellbound with the exquisiteness of everything. “That is not your paradise my dear.” I heard a voice, a Manly voice. The familiarity of it made me feel the serenity that I was yearning for, the calmness that has long vanished when you gave nothing but insanely beats. “But…” I was about to protest. “Here is where you should be. Trust me.” It was painful, but hearing the words from Him mended the gashes that were about to be molded. My gaze traveled back to the other side of the crystal wall, and you were there. Not minding the other part of where you were, the portion where I was in.

I dreamt of you last night. You were looking somewhere. Your eyes were sparkling. But those glimmers weren’t made for me. “You are not my paradise.”