Tonight, I am crying.
My face is seemingly tear-stained, but it is not because of the creature that keeps on hunting me in my musings. I am assured that it is not because of falling, of failing. No, it is not because of how the world’s current is taking over my being. I am trying to scrutinize every fiber of my heart and its beating, but I recognize the calmness within, whispering, that it is not because of all the persecutions that has been told repeatedly until I decided to accept mediocrity and complacency. No, I am not crying because I no longer sing or write the way I used to. It is not because I was not heard or seen the way I once desired to. I am not crying because of thinking about how many times I wandered in wrong cities and fought in mistaken battle fields, and how many people I have lost along the way.
My eyes are flooding out a Love that knows no bounds –endless tears dripping like the flow of the river, its current taking all of me. I am certain, I am crying because I have seen how I stretched my hands towards the sky and clearly saw how that Love reached out, never losing its gentle grip and touch. I am crying because I am being contained by a Love that explored my totality but remained exactly the same even before I existed, and the moments I thought I was non-existent. There is stillness in my soul saying that I am crying because of a Love that restores me every day, a Love that made me sing and write regardless of my invalidity, a Love that loves me notwithstanding my sins against Him, my uselessness to Him. I am crying because of a Love that never runs dry, only runs deep, deeper.
Tonight, I am crying as my heart is safely resting in Love with a powerful Name, Jesus.