She has a hidden universe inside her head. They said.
The physicality of it showed how she could transpire a soul who was too in love with the idea of life and the beauty that lies within it. Those smiles of her indicated nothing but optimism, as if a destructive thought can’t beat her ready-to-fight soul. Her voice that sounds so sweet can make you wonder; what’s the taste of sugar that’s lingering on her tongue. Whenever she feels hurt, she put a frontage that can make everyone think that her difficulties aren’t big. Just one smile, one smile, as if that curve on her lips can conceal those bleeding wounds, as if one smile can make the pieces of her shattered world back together, as if one smile can bring back the normality of her life, as if one smile can glued back her broken pieces. She looks unyielding. People around her think that she can only be bended, but up to what extent? She’s bend to the point that she felt too close to be cracked, to be broke, to be crushed. She’s living in a world full of lies that none of them ever troubled themselves to hear the truth. The truth that she wants the pain to instantaneously stops. The truth that she wants to take a permanent vacation in a world where she could no longer feel the agony of always being the girl who cried happiness but deep within the core of her soul, she’s the girl who cried pain. And the truth that her obnoxious thoughts are slowly and slowly and slowly killing her. Whenever she’s close to exploding, she immediately run to the bathroom to lock herself in the cubicle. She simply wants to end the misery alone, as if saying it would only cause weariness to her friends, one thing that she don’t want to happen. She tries her best to hold on even though all she ever wanted was to push them away, away from her sufferings, away from her world, away from the idea that they can still save her. She has deadly thoughts. Her 3am-self isn’t her best form. Actually it’s the raw yet worst one. It’s the fragile and defenseless one. With just a touch of your hand, you can break her big-time. Solitude is where she finds peace. But solitude is also the monster who have had long convinced her that she’s better off that way, she’s ugly, she’s worthless, she’s nothing, she’s dumb and failure. Her lone time with her mind convinced her that she was a failed experiment to the mutation.
She’s the girl who amazes everyone by the things she can do but the only thing she see is the level of her worthlessness. Whenever people gives her compliment, within her she’s thinking that such dumb mind of her doesn’t deserved any appreciations. She’s tired but she can only surrender when the fight is just for her, alone. But, no, everything she has ever done and everything that she will do isn’t going to be just for her own good. It’s for the people she love the most. She keeps going even though her anxiety still monstrously attacks. She acts so strong as if she can’t be beat. She acts so strong, so strong… so strong.
Undeniably, she is. Because she can smile the pain away, she can drive out the sorrow and deny her own pain to save others. She can. She still can.
She has a hidden universe inside her. They said.
A universe that no one ever concerned themselves to visit.