I don’t need to fall in love

I don’t need to fall in love. I don’t need those throwing-pebbles-at-my-window scenarios every 12 midnight when my parents were already in their room, both sleeping while tightly squeezing each other as if the coldness of the nightly breeze would take the warm they have for each other.

I don’t need to fall in love. I don’t need another drama to my life. I don’t need those insanely beatings of my heart, those butterflies, those rainbows and unicorns, those breathtakingly roses with piercing thorns.

I don’t need to fall in love. I don’t need to see myself, crying and crying and crying while blaming myself for falling to someone who can’t give the same intensity of the love that I can provide. To someone who can’t even bargain a word to me when I can write him a whole novel.

I don’t need to fall in love. I don’t need to be self-seeking.

I don’t need to fall in love. I don’t need those sugary words with sugary chocolates and cotton candies. I don’t need those sweets because in the end, I’ll have toothache and my dentist will surely get furious about the idea of damaging my teeth cause she’ll have a hard time cleaning and enhancing them every month.

I don’t need to fall in love. I don’t need to beautify myself every day. I don’t need to put too much add on’s because I’m just frightened that he’ll find someone exquisite than me and the thought is killing the smallest touch of confidence in the interior of my soul.

I don’t need to fall in love. I don’t need those ear-piercing lungs, those shouting voices. I don’t need those. Just like the way my mom screams to my dad every night. Just like how my dad shouts back to my mom.

I don’t need to fall in love. I don’t need to hear those sounds, the sounds of shattering glasses, the wailing of my mom, the tick-tock of my dad’s shoes on the floor while he’s approaching to open the door, to storm out from this heartbreaking scene of our own major motion picture entitled, life.

I don’t need to fall in love. I don’t need the silence of solitude because my parents were no longer home.

I don’t need to fall in love. I don’t need the sight of empty bedroom, because my mom and dad weren’t there anymore. They were no longer hugging each other to ease the coldness of nightly breeze.

I don’t need to fall in love. I don’t need pain. I  effortlessly devoured too much of it.

I don’t need to fall in love. I’m achingly hopeless.

I don’t need to fall in love. I’m at the verge of nothingness.

But then you came. You suddenly did.

I don’t need to fall in love. I still don’t need to.

I don’t need to fall in love but you made wanna try to.

I don’t need to fall in love, you just made me want to.

You’ve hugged me as if the coldness of the nightly breeze would take the little-st warmness I have towards love. 

Thank You, God.

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