Thoughts by a Pessimist

I’m scared with the thought that I’ll eventually leave this world, that I will never be remembered. If only I have that ambrosia, elixir of life to confer immortality. But then In just a snap, reality slapped me with the idea of its opposition. I’m not scared to die, in fact, I’m afraid to live. I’m afraid that I’ll still feel that deteriorating pain and yet, it’s not worth it. I’m afraid that I’ll still be walking on the same hallway at school and everyone will be looking at me, making me feel like those grades define who I am. I’m afraid with the fact that my feelings for that ‘person’ will always be deeply hidden. I’m afraid with the idea that in every move that I’ll do, in every words that I’ll spat out, in every thought I’m going to put in words—everyone will have their say, everyone will judge. That sometimes their criticisms goes way too far. I’m afraid to live, because here, there’s this thing called pain, which is inevitable. To be added on the list, there are these things called fear, agony, hamartia, flaws and imperfection. I don’t want to die, cause I feared our almighty creator yet I don’t want to live because every minute of my everyday means trying.. crying.. dying.

But.. this is all in the mind. It’ll eventually fade. Don’t let those negative stuffs ruled you over. Everyday of our lives should always means surviving, smiling and living. Be free and be with God.

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