“Yes, I’m nothing compared to those girls hanging around with you. Im not pretty-I’ll never set fire through your eyes. You’ll only see me, but you’ll feel nothing. I’m too plain. I’m too boring. This feelings of mine will always be surreptitious. You will never noticed me, you’ll never see me the way you see her, you’ll never understand how hard it is looking at you and knowing that you’re a far-fetched dream. You’ll never like me. I’m always just be this mediocre, ordinary and nerdy-bookish girl for you while you’re the whole sky for me.”
It’s Saturday night, and it’s raining really hard. I’m stuck here in front of my laptop. Every minute, I set my gaze on the messenger to see if he’s still active.
Active now. 10:18 PM.
Suddenly, a smile found its way to my lips.
With hand over my heart and my fingers crossed my only wish for tonight is that he’ll noticed my status.
Hours passed, and I’m still wide awake.
There’s so many compliments and appreciation for what I’ve posted. But still, the only person I’m wishing to set eyes on my post was still missing in action.
Loads of comments and likes are still appearing on my notifications board.
And every minute that passed made my heart plummet, made a heavy feeling weighing on my chest. Of course, he’ll never fix his gaze on me. He didn’t even know that I exist. Does anyone know how I feel right now?
It feels like someone burn the bridge that I’m still crossing. And all I can do is to plummet on the reality that I am dreading for. I loathe myself, for crying over some shallow thing like this, over this drastic heartache I am feeling right now. I feel like I want to explode-like I just want to disappear in a snap.
I’m so over being blue.
I immediately wiped my tears and decided to turn off my laptop. I’m tired of waiting. It’ll just lead me nowhere.
I don’t know why but when I saw this, I can’t feel the normalcy of my heart beat anymore. With a shaky hand and closed eyes, I opened it.
Someone, commented on your status.
“No, you get it wrong. If only I have some freaking courage to tell you this-you’re everything to me. You’re not pretty, yes. I’ll never use that word for you, cause you are a beautiful, fine lady. You never set fire through my eyes, cause I didn’t want to look at you with flaming desire. The right thing to say is that; you set fire through my heart. I always see you-my gaze always falls to you, you’re just too numb to realize that you’re the reason of this heavy feeling weighing on my chest, of this butterflies struggling to fly in my stomach, of this erratic heartbeats. I’ll never see you the way I see her, because she’s nothing to me while you’re every words in my sentence, you’re every minute of my everyday. I’m not a far-fetched dream, I’m just here, one step behind you. Just take a step backward and I’ll catch you. I like you, I really do. You’re the mediocre, ordinary and nerdy-bookish girl, and I like you that way. You are much better that way. You’re not attention seeker. You’re okay with those books, you’re not loud and nosy. Honestly, I’m insulted with the way you see me. I only represent the whole sky for you while you’re the whole galaxy for me.”
I can’t believe it. Is this a prank? Am I in a gag show? Is this some silly joke?
The only thing I can feel right now is my heart banging on my chest. I was out of my reverie when I heard someone knocking on the front door.
My knees are wobbling and my hands are still shaking while opening the door.
The moment I open it, I saw the guy who made me realize that I am capable of loving someone, the guy who made me fall only by his smiles, the reason of my 3am-thoughts, of these bags under my eyes, of this erratic heartbeats, of this smile that is always tattooed on my face.
I saw him. My sky.
12:00 AM. Sunday.
“Good morning. My galaxy.”