It’s funny how you brought drastic changes to my life, how you made me a girl who’s always longing for a pen and paper to write out what my mouth can’t speak up. It’s been months—I don’t know, I’ve lost counts since the day I tried to keep my feelings on shore. God knows how I tried to not let it reach the ocean and float its way to you.
Like every story written and labeled as a cliche one, it all started with a ‘Hi’. I don’t know why I still tried even when I don’t know if I have a chance or it’ll be just a desperate move and something I’ll regret for the rest of my life. I closed my eyes as my fingers started moving to type every words I’ve been dying to spat out. ‘I hope you’re smiling while reading this’, every veins in my body are fighting, there’s an urge not to send it but then, I guess heart really always wants what it wants—and yes, my heart ruled over my mind. Message sent.
The first idea that came to me was you’re a broken guy. And I guess, I’m never wrong with that. Your happiness became an addition to my prayers cause only God can heal those kind of wounds. But the distance between you and me is just a rocky road full of warning signs and unwanted stuff. I badly want to reach you but no to avail. I can’t risk it all cause in the end, it’s just me—a shy girl with a messy hair and geeky glasses, and there’s you, a guy who can send electricity to every girl’s body just by a mere smile. Days passed and all the unanswered questions that has been roaming on my mind already got what they want. You shared small details about you. I somehow realized why you were always serious and it’s like you always have the weights of the world on your shoulders. I guess love can really unleash the sad poet on the soul of someone. You were a sad story, a sad song, a one slice of pizza, a slow turtle bearing the heaviness of his house. You were all the goodbye’s said at once. You were the man on wire and the man who can’t be move. You looked at life as something not worth dealing with. You were in between philanthropist and misanthrope. You looked at everyone as temporary. You were a vampire, not human, not like us. Well, those were just your fantasies. You were always saying that for a reason that I don’t know. You were a puzzle, a big complicated puzzle no one can solve. But behind that man we always see is a guy who’s totally whip and smitten over the girl who mean the world to him. I like the courage you have by doing everything to have your once in a lifetime best shot back. Everything is just ‘you were’—cause now you’re not. You’re now a butterfly above the endless field of flowers. A sunflower on a bed of roses will never capture your attention. It’s just the rose—the rose you watered everyday, the rose you lend your life taking care of—it’s your rose and just your rose that you’ll pick no matter how much pain her thorns caused you. I don’t know you, I probably don’t. Huh, it’s a long list of your short tale right? I’m glad that I know in myself that somehow you’re not just the guy I made on my mind.
You’re not perfect, you’re giving room for flaws and mistakes. You’re not Harry Styles or Zac Efron that every girl’s longing for. You’re not Augustus Waters or some guy only existing in the fictional world. But you know what? You have some similarities from all the fictional characters and well-known celebrities who took away every breaths—like them… you’re the guy I can only read but never touch, you’re the protagonist, you’re standing under the spotlight and Im just the audience. I’m afraid to say, but I think I already signed a contract with terms of liking someone from afar.
I guess moon will always be unreachable and it reminds me of you.